From J.S. in utah county

Dear Utah,

When telling people I was only married for four months, I may get the response, oh you didn’t even give it a fair chance, or what did he hit you? I normally respond with it just didn’t work out. How did I decide to be done so quickly and why am I a part of such that small percent that didn’t go back? Well, I didn’t go back to that abusive relationship but I have made my way back to almost all the others in my life. Maybe the flashback on watching my step-mom get her face beaten by my dad at the age of four was enough for me to draw the line before it was too late.

When I first hear the word “abuse, “ something in my brain makes me want to flinch. It’s a word that brings shame. Nobody wants to be considered an abuser because that would signify the worth of character. It may be just as shameful for someone receiving abuse to admit it because it may imply weakness or shame for “ending up in that situation”.

After living 28 years of my life to finally come to terms that abuse had been a common factor in almost all my relationships, it was time to finally face it all in order for the cycle to stop.

Things I look back with my ex husband that were considered abusive include:

Shutting the door so I couldn’t leave the room. Making himself bigger then me.

Car- putting his hand on the shifting gears while on the free way to scare me.

Telling me he is leaving me over and over again

Throwing keys at me

Turning everyone (family) against me.

Not letting me take space if I asked for it.

Leaving me alone two weeks after finding out we were pregnant.

No child support.

Threatening emails.