from b.w. in utah county

Dear Utah,

I was born into domestic violence. Those are memories I do not remember but my body remembers. 20 years later I was being sexually abused by my boyfriend. The first time he raped me I broke up with him, but then fear crept in and I got back together with him. That set off the next 4 months of sexual abuse until I was raped on my birthday and decided to leave. I didn’t know what had even happened to me or what to do. So I jumped into another domestic violence relationship, but this time I was never hit or raped. How could that be abuse? I became a shell of myself in the next two years. I was trying to get justice for my abuse while being belittled by my current partner. My clothes, jokes, and personality were being controlled. Love was being withheld from me if I did something wrong. I was healing from past trauma but being actively traumatized. I’m free from all of my domestic violence now, there’s only memories left. But those with the invisible bruises and scars I see you.